my day

 I am a girl from Kolkata, yes a 40 year old girl. I still call myself girl because I feel like so. Anyway I got married to a Punjabi boy, who is younger to me. We did hit it off well, but I think we lost ourselves in marriage circus. I am not meant to be a typical bahoo. That was never in my blood. Anyways we got married in 2023, Feb. We were supposed to be in Bangalore after marriage that didnt happen. So eventually I came back to Kolkata and my husband is cointinuing his work from Ludhiana. It was going Ok, I used to visit twice in a year for one month each time. Everything is ok. They treat me well. I can vouch on my father in law . He thinks me as I am his own daughter. My mom in law also pretents that , but I doubt or npot , not sure . May be if she would have had a daughter . She will be like this with her as well. She doesnt treat me wrong, but she has lot of expectation from me. Sometime she fights with her son over me. whenever they have intimate fights they speak in fast...

 Yesterday I saw I beautiful dream. It was one of the rearrests dreams ever. I remember I have seen this kind of dram twice in my life. It was about the moment before falling in love, I am not sure falling in love is so special, it always has been. I was seeing , I went to my high school for a reunion, where Sanatan da was there , the assistant from the physics lab. I met him and was surprised to see that he was able to recognize me. Then he referred to a guy in a way that we were known to each other before, but I was finding it hurt to recognize him, I went to see more stalls with him, and while we were roaming around I saw the care and affection in his eyes for me. I am not sure if I was falling for him in my dream, but definitely missing him when I was awake. Then we went to have food. He was talking to someone while I was eating. I thought he left me and went on his way as I was taking time to eat and telling people about my memory in school. How we used to play kabaddi inside ...

Today morning when i started my day I was very de motivated and was not happy with my work now whenever I am applying for job I am not getting any reply from the recruiter that is something I was very upset of but some my close friends who made be understand that this is not the right time to search any new job because the market market is not stable so I have to wait at least for the market to be stable so I decided to make myself comfortable in my current job and do my best whatever I could. Coming to my married life I miss Shaffy very much. But whatever he promised not keeping any of that till now. Last time when I went back to my house from Bangalore so I regretted it very much a letter because whenever there is some opinion differences happened so I got to hear lot of things and I was not able to cook of with the situation and given that type of job I am in so I am not able to leg you know put any effort in the family life on integral house chors so that is a very like controversi...

 I thought of resume my writing today, there are so many changes that I am going through so many changes after marriage like adjusting to a new family, adopting a new culture and values, sharing room with anew person on a daily basis. Still learning what to ignore and what not to. Still getting weird dreams, dreams are weird anyway. Yesterday,  I was seeing I am going to get married with Gopal again.neither was I not happy about it nor I denied to it , I dialed the correct number of him but one lady picked up the call saying he is not around and giving his another number , I thought she might be his brother's wife. She was telling the number but I didnt have a good pen to write down it anyway I wrote it. After putting down the phone I was searching the number in the where I have written but couldnt find it. Meanwhile I remember that he was married to Arpita and has a daughter and I wanted to ask him about that. I saw him on the road, he came on his collage bus for excursion. O...

 It has been a roller coaster for pas 2 weeks.  There was contract ending news for my project. In this time should I concentrate on my wedding or getting prepared for the interview ? But i tried my level best. I started preparing myself for the interview, there are lot of things to brush up. As I started the process the list of module kept on increasing. Any way on top of this, there was some discrepancy regarding my venue booking. I got to know that the person I delt with , is no more working there. I got another contact of a manager. She assured me not to worry. But she kept calling and asking non sense question and asking me to deal with the person whi initiated the process. I tried to reach the Hotel's social networking page , and put message of getting harrased in the messanger. I was asked to share my contact. After sometime, I got call from corporate office, and I shared my concern , then she asked me to share the details. As soon as i put the ph down , I got call from ...

No matter what I will stay positive, I will do good.  No matter what I will respect my husband. I know , one day he will prove himself. he will do good. We will be happy together. I know challenges willcome, I will face with positive mindset. I will be open. I know my mom will learn to stay without me. She will be happy.

 Today also work pressure is good, but I guess next week it will be bombarding with the defects. I have learned to handle stories with patience, like dont jump after you think you finished a task. test thoroughly. Dont rush to to finish it , enjoty the process and try to learn. Add your analysis in task. Burn hours. Try to be attentive in meetings. I am sure that with time I shall improve this.

 Yesterday , work pressure was light. Rest of the tiles arrived, shopkeeper informed me that they have sent 1 wrong box , which I have to return. It was so difficult to finding out the odd one. But, I found my way. And I got it done. Banani, called and said that she will be coming over , I am so happy . Didnt inform about the house current condition or else she would have stepped back. Waiting to see her.

 Could not write anything on 10th because of network issue. Done so many work and was exhausted after washing and cleaning. The day was well spent. closed many task.

Today Manisha told, they will be moving abroad along with my brother. I was feeling bad for my mom. But i will recover as well from this thought, as I don't have any expectation from them. I was thinking like would be birden for mom to make this house so big and leave her alone here.  But kunal didn't leave any choice. He clearly mentioned that i shouldnt rely on him.. He doesn't have any clarity. In a way I made rooms for my family irrespective of them to be here.so they can come here freely and stay as long as they want.  I should also prepare myself for good opportunity.  Let's get up and make it happen. 

A new busy monday. I accomplish ed almost all the things except my diet and exercise. I  fed up of feeling sorry. I want achieve something in my work front as well. 

Yesterday, I forgot to write about my day. Again it was a very busy holiday. Finalised my tiles then went for lunch with Ait friends. Everybody pointed out about my figure, I put on a lot. It was so visible. I don't know when I will be persistent with this. 

It was a very very hectic day, feeling exhausted at the end of the day. Not able to determine if I am satisfied or not after accomplishing all the task that i am supposed to. Started with putting clothes for washing, then lil bit of walking and slept for a while as I didn't sleep well. Ordered dosa for breakfast, it's a weekend ritual for me and chhutki. Talked to all the worker and took all the measurements for tile. Then went to jinjira bajar gor fish and fruits. Then came back... Did some phone calls for tomorrow's lunch. Then again started for topsia for tiles... There is no gain by going there.. I am too tired now. Good night. 

 It was a good day. Started with seeing Dui Salik (a pair of birds). Its a bengali superstition, I dont believe in these things but if I look back there was enough incidents to believe in this particular one.  Office went well. Still so many days to go. Didnt finalize the tile design of my bathroom, but it will get started soon, thinking of visiting Topsia tomorrow. Looking forward to tommorrow.

 It was good day... I always believe in light at the end of the tunnel.... Always believe in new day.... It was going good... I was not talking with my partner.. I thought of taking approach to let him know that I am missing him, it worked...  Still construction work is going on, Work is going on good. My existing story will be dismissed, will get a new story. Already started working on that. Went out ..Spent time with family and people.  There is so much to write down.. I want to be writer. I hope one day I will be writing my own book. One thing I observed that if I dont take medicine for 2-3 days ...I go crazy (Get angry easily, start shouting on people).

 Started office, there is so many things to deal with not only professional front but also in personal front as well. There are lot of things I have to manage so many things. Construction , house chores, grocery, my work and personal study. I know all of these are not permanent, but I have deal with for time at least. Coming to my work, there is one person  who is self centered and who interfere almost in everything. I get angry very easily, specially whenever he speaks. I think in my back of the mind, I am thinking that I am not giving my 100% to my work.  One thing I forgot to mention, my rela So many changes   

 It was hectic day, joined work after 3 days, had to catch up and match up my office and my own expectations. Its not a very healthy environment to work from and on top of that the construction work. Feeling lost and down from past couple of days.  Today something happened at home. Let me paint it. I was playing with ponka and after playing one round of throw ball, he rushed into the other room, and he was sitting in front of the diya. He was closely observing everything, he didnt have any intention to touch anything for a while, and I got distracted and he touch the burning diya and my mom started scholding me like hell. It was so insulting and humiliating, that I was speechless for a while. Sometimes I dont feel like living here. I loose temper very often, may its because of not taking medicine for some days. lot to work on tomorrow. A new day, I am looking forward to positive energy. Thank You!!